Snails

Sometimes there are reviews that come together at a snail’s pace. That’s exactly how it was with Snails. Although perhaps the main reason this review of the game was published so late was that I wanted to show you the slow nature of these mollusks. Because, of course, it was a deliberate move not because I finally found a way to break out of my shell…

Snails is a unique game in which teams of crawlers battle each other to smash their opponents’ shells. You could say it’s a thrilling duel where corpses pile up thick and fast, just as if we were literally riding a bike in the rain and ignoring the crunching sounds beneath our wheels (not a true story, bro…).

Although we won’t be using bikes to kill other snails, rockets, grenades, cherry pies, rebellious pigeons, and other tasty weapons of mass destruction will help us in this task.

Over the course of 6 rounds of combat, we’ll plan our moves, collect weapons, fall into the water, wreck the battle arena, and most importantly have fun. Though that last part won’t always happen, considering that all the players might gang up on you, and you’ll later switch to spectator mode, where you’ll just be dealing cards to the others.

What I liked about this battle:

First of all, the variety of weapons we can use. I’ve already given you a rundown of how we can take out other players, so now I’ll just add that each gun fires a little differently and affects the situation on the board in its own way. On top of that, we’ll acquire cards that give us special ways to move, like using ropes or jetpacks. Overall, there’s plenty to choose from.

Another plus of Snails is that we can create our own maps. The instructions offer a few ideas, but nothing’s stopping us from coming up with some whimsical shapes and then admiring our creation. Another factor that adds to my excitement about the gameplay is the fact that during combat, we’ll destroy what we’ve created as if we’d put Godzilla in SimCity and topped it off with an earthquake.

While preparing for the game, we’ll also choose our gang’s leader. He’ll grant the entire gang special abilities. These will affect our attacks, movement, and other aspects of the game. Though I have to add here that I’m not a fan of the pirates, whose abilities are simply overpowered. The ability to shoot from the water and the lack of damage from contamination are too strong. That’s why they’ve disappeared somewhere in my box, just like the Black Pearl from the Snailed Pirates.

What made me want to hide inside my shell:

I love games where you plan your moves and then carry them out, hoping your plan will work out just as well as in all those bank heist movies where the main character is a smooth-talking, cocky guy. It’s sort of similar in Snails, but there are still situations where someone can completely derail our plans with just one card. Then we’ll just watch as everything falls apart, just like in Guy Ritchie’s movies. Especially when we end up in the water.

Another thing that might have us watching other players while we play is our imminent elimination. This can lead to trauma, or even a reluctance to face off again. But having fun is what matters, right? Even for the other players, right? That’s why every elimination should be treated like tripping over your leg or rolling up your belly or whatever it snails have.

By the way, we also have to be prepared for a high degree of randomness when it comes to the weapons we’re dealt and how they’re selected. Though we do have a few ways to work around that. Still, you just have to take it.

Quality and Components

It’s good the stands are cool, there are dividers in the box, and overall, there’s nothing to complain about. I also had no trouble telling the other Snails apart, just in case. That’s not a reference to other players at all…

Number of Players and Game Duration

I’ll say right off the bat that the more players there are, the more chaotic it gets. There’s also a greater chance that our plans won’t work out, given the chaos that can reign on the board. However, no matter how many people I played with, it worked well with every group.

Summary

Snails is like a board game version of Carmageddon, where cars have been replaced by snail shells and random passersby by a game board that we can destroy at will. It’s total mayhem, where we can’t count on our plans working out or on safely taking cover under cast-iron beams. Everything is laced with a high degree of randomness, where snail carcasses lay on the ground, and the destruction is worse than after a bike ride on a rainy afternoon.

All that matters here is having fun, which means you have to keep an open mind, considering that sometimes there’s nothing you can do. That’s why I’ve accepted that sometimes it’s worth living YOLO  and not worrying about getting knocked out of the game.

There’s literally no other game like this featuring invertebrates battling it out on the board…

Final verdict: Snails blew my mind and had me bleat with delight like some super sheep launched from the hand of an earthworm hoping it would reach a target hidden behind a barricade. Hallelujah!

Pros

Total mayhem
Terrain destruction
Great fun
A large arsenal of weapons
Asymmetric powers

Cons

Some teams can swim
Sometimes you can’t do anything

[Game provided by Galakta]